Flipper The Felon

The slap-happy splashers at a Chicago zoo made one patron fall head over heels into a lawsuit due to slippery conditions following a performance. Now if we could just get rid of these malicious mammals and also kittens when they knead on your chest while your taking a nap on the couch. Little jerks.......

For the rest of the story: A Bottlenose At Breakneck Speed

Whatsa Mattah You!!

Pizza is meant to be shoved in your mouth, not used to slap someone upside the head with. One Florida father's pie eating privileges have been revoked for the time being. Maybe he'll learn to enjoy the taste of prison gruel.

For the rest of the story: One Slice, Hold The Agression

School of Hard Knocks

A new graduate of Monroe College in New York has requested her tuition be repaid due to the lack of response for job placement by her alma mater. Now if only the government would step up and repay all the honest and hard-working taxpayers in this country for the lousy job it's done, all would be right with the world..... That and a lever action, spring piston, smoothbore barrel, Red Ryder BB Gun with adjustable iron sights and a gravity feed magazine. Well, you get the picture....

For the rest of the story: No Money, No Cry

Exsqueeze Me

So those crazy Germans are in the news again. Not trying to pick on them, but it's starting to feel like Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks". Didn't this country give us some of the world's best physicists??

For the rest of the story: Ludwig Von Trapped

Scorcher In The Bedroom

A leaky air matress, a German, and some tire repair solvent make for a real sexy evening in one man's bedroom.

For the rest of the story: Eternal Flame Retardant

The Canary Has Landed

An ingenious plan to deliver a convicted drug trafficker tools to aid in his escape has been foiled by Spanish authorities. A 13ft long remote controlled zeppelin was intercepted and is now serving it's own sentence at the Hindenburg facility for wayward zeppelins.

For the rest of the story: Oneth By Land, Twoith By Balloon

So A Guy Walks Into a Bar and Says....

A bar in Madrid is encouraging it's patrons to verbally abuse the staff. Apparently it pays to be a buligerant drunk in this bar, because if you come up with a good or original insult you get a free beer! So when you get off from a long day at work, head on over to the Casa Pancho and let the expleritives fly.

For the rest of the story: Hey You...Drunkie!!

A Straight Flush

When a 4 year old accidentally flushes his one week old puppy down the loo, who do you call?? Well apparently you call Dyno Rod: Puppy Power

I'll Be Here All Week

Japanese bureaucrats are getting special training in communication skills and management responsibilities from of all people....[here's the punchline]...professional comedians. 100 transport ministry officials learned things such as speaking to clients, managing their staff, and handling the occasional drunk heckler. It's also suppose to help soften their stiff image. No joke.

For the rest of the story: Stand Up and Deliver

Turd Blossoms and Stink Weed

A inexpensive new way to grow your own fruits and veggies is being presented at the Chelsea Flower Show this season. People are donating their unwanted bras and underwear in this "how to" exhibit. If this exciting new way to be healthy and self sufficient catches on, the pea will be renamed pugh.

For the rest of the story: Eat Your Stinkin' Vegetables!

Oh Crap, We're Gonna Crash.....

A small plane in Washington state crash landed on a grouping of unoccupied portable toilets. The pilot walked away from the upside down wreck miraculously uninjured, although shatting himself in the process. Ironic isn't it?

For the rest of the story, and video coverage: Turbulent Bowel Syndrome

Vanity or Insanity?

Outta Their Shell And Into The Paper Gown

A 73lbs loggerhead turtle dubbed "Kincaid" swam itself to the Marathon Turtle Hospital in Florida on March 29th. The reptile's shell was riddled with barnacles and blood tests showed sepsis. Hospital employees say that loggerheads are uncommon for the area, so they feel the turtle checked itself into the hospital. If you would like to send flowers to Kincaid, and for updates on her status, check the Turtle Hospital Blog here: Marathon Turtle Hospital

Wag The Dog

A woman from Indiana while sitting in a drunk tank asked cops to check her laptop. She had suspicions that her ex was looking at kiddie porn on it. When the officers did their investigation they instead came across some videos of the woman having sex with a beagle. The canine love fest was another drunken night gone oh so wrong. The beagle in question, Toby, is still waiting for a call back.

For the rest of the story: And They Called It Puppy Love

Honk If You're Confused

A series of mysterious bumper stickers on Japanese vehicles has folks in the country wondering what it all means? Is it the moniker of an underground organization? Do they signify a tribute to Japanime? Is it a new form of art crime graffiti?

For the rest of the story: Stuck On You

Steer Clear of the Yorkshire Pudding

European airliner Ryan Air is looking into possibly charging patrons to use the toilet at a rate of one pound. Airline executive Michael O'Leary is examining multiple ways to generate revenue, and the toilet charge is one that is being considered. Maybe they should also look into strapping travelers to their chairs, taping their eyelids open, and forcing them to watch Hugh Grant movies.

For the rest of the story: Another Crappy Airline

Holy Breaking Barriers Batwoman!!

DC Comics is being applauded for their forward views on homosexuality as recently outted Batwoman will star in her own series of comics beginning in June. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation is on board, as are tens of thousands of douchebag,comic geek boners waiting for that first lesbian love scene.

For the rest of the story: Inspirational Women of Leather

How To Become A "Bunker Bob"

With the current economic conditions not subsiding any time soon, we here at Crowded Planet look to help you navigate these rough waters. A list of survival items that every self-respecting Planeteer can't do without: Survival List

A Sticky Situation

A maple-sweet smell that has confounded citizens of NYC has been revealed. Processed fenugreek seeds in a New Jersey factory. Manhattanites have actually complained of the aroma, causing the Department of Environmental Protection to conduct air sample testing. Yeah, I can see how upsetting it would be to have the smell of back alley urine masked by short stack toppings.

For the rest of the story: The Smell of Success

Eight Is Enough

A single California mother of six, and now only the 2nd person on record to give birth to octuplets, is resting easy today. This brings her bubbling brood to 14 and has next door neighbors and fertility experts scratching there heads.

For the rest of the story: The Fantastic 4[teen]

Feelin' Minnesota

A pack of wild teenage girls have been charged with abusing nursing home patients in Minnesota. Incidents such as spankings, improper touching, and torment have been filed. One of the culprits, Larson[pictured top right], has been accused of deliberately bathing a male resident in a rough manner as to cause him an erection.....

And on that note, if you would like information on becoming a resident of Good Samaritan Society in Albert Lee, MN click here: Good Samaritan Waiting List

And for the rest of the story: Naughty Nurses

Heh, heh.....Suck One America

Thanks for the memories Dubya.

Hey, Sit On It Ponzi !!

Sylvia Madoff, the mother of Ponzi artist Bernard Madoff was forced to close a broker-dealer firm by the SEC in the early 60's. Was mother the inspiration for son? Or was mommy dearest the scapegoat namesake of the early beginnings of a father/son pyramid scheme empire?

For the rest of the story: Madoff's Mother vs. The Feds

The Sweet Taste Of Freedom......sauteed in butter

Granted freedom from his New York seafood restaurant captor, George the lobster's story is one of crustacious triumph. The 140 year old, 20 lbs decapod is said to be recovering nicely at his lavish Maine ocean front residence.

For the rest of the story: George the Giant Lobster

Can You Spare Some "Change"?

The BIG day is almost here. 8 years of George Bush would have any sane person screaming for change[sorry republicans]. I for one will be glad when all the hoopla surrounding this historic event will pass and the country can get on with trying to fix the problems at hand. With all do respect to the President-Elect, one person isn't going to save us from the growing economic & social issues we face together. Well that, and I'm kinda tired of Montel Williams peddling those ridiculous collector coins SEEN HERE

Aargh Matey !!

A U.S. Naval task force will be employed to combat piracy on the open seas. The U.S. is reportedly among 20 countries that is trying to defend against this ever growing trend. The unit's name is "Combined Task Force 151" or commonly referred to as Operation Jack Sparrow.

For the rest of the story click here: Combined Task Force 151

Doggon' It....225 More People Like Me

After alleging improperly rejected absentee ballots, former SNL cast member Al Franken has won the Minnesota US Senate race by a mere 225 votes over incumbent Norm Coleman. After Coleman campaign manager Cullen Sheehan complained of a "broken" recount process the Supreme Court will decide whether to allow a winner take all game of rochambeau.

For the rest of the story click here: Minnesota Senate Race

Happy End of the World !!

Ah yes, the beginning of a new year makes us all optimistic for what the future holds. Well, we here at Crowded Planet Radio want to go ahead and squash that type of enthusiasm as quickly as possible. Take a look at this clip for an upcoming movie based on the much talked about Mayan calendar prophecy for Dec. 21st, 2012. My only question is.......if a monk rings a bell on a desolate mountain range and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?